Thursday, May 4, 2017

Seeing Bob

I could write a small book about my relationship with the work of Bob Dylan but I'm not going to do that now.

Here are two poems.  The second one was written in 1991 by my first husband, who introduced me to the world of Bob and with whom I attended 7 performances, including the one he wrote about anticipating here.  I had the opening lines of the poem in my head all day yesterday leading up to seeing Bob that evening.

The first poem is written by me about that.  For twenty-five years I've had a friend who I met through our interest in Dylan but although separately we've seen him many times, I with various different people, we have never managed to attend a concert together until now.

expecting my last time
watching dylan
before I let him go
I am caught unawares
by the thrill
of the performance

here he is before us
bob the same bob
just being in the now
like we should all
be, telling us
things have changed

here is what he wants
to show us
this is what he feels
in these songs today
and highway 61 is joyful
and so am I

me and my dylan buddy
twenty-five years
waiting to see bob together
and it’s everything
it could be
and worth the wait

tangled up in blue
I weep for the bob-centric years
of my first lost marriage
feeling reconnected
at last to the start of

bob the same bob
nobody else quite right
to go with till now
restored in my heart
joyous plaintive rollicking
genius poet muso

just as it should be
leaving me wanting
the next time
knowing of course
I want to do it all again

Jane Vernon, May 2017 

last year bob
you just like a woman'd
and man in the long black coat'd
to the ceiling
of the Hammersmith Odeon
on the night the
specialists in institutionalised poison
unleashed the attack on
my invasive leukaemic cells

I listen to the tape of your
weighty cries at the foothills of thunder
              at the chords of doubt
              at the crossroads of the spirit
              in the whine of love
              in the heart of loss
as you knew them on that day
which I spent blanketed in drugs and exhaustion

a year later I tick away the days
until I see you once more
I will be there this year
to allow you to stand amid
the waves of the hugest unknowns
while east and west play armageddon
while my blood cells orgy
while beauty holds my hand

and you with you lone harmonica
sing it all for us free
as you have done
since the primal
blowin of the wind

Mike Vernon, January 1991   

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Wot? No ....

Fill in the blank to suit - no blog post, no photo a day, no fresh bread; this week I'm especially conscious of all the things I've let slip lately.

Most mornings recently I've thought today might be the day I get back to the Photo A Day challenge but still it's now more than three weeks since I posted anything. I think it's because of the shape the year is taking.  This part time work thing is not as easy to manage as it sounds.  I've done a lot of the part where I'm not working already this year so now find myself needing to do the work part most of the time.  The Photo A Day challenge often needs thinking about and thinking time is what I'm shortest of.

No fresh bread ....  well, I'm pleased to say that I've managed to continue the year with a home-made loaf on the go most of the time unless I made a deliberate decision to buy something different for a change.  This week, though, no fresh bread because I didn't make it when I intended to.  I'm hoping that will be put right soon because the bread has been better than ever.  I keep thinking about a post about that but as you'll have noticed ...

And no blog post.  Why is that?  I've also got an idea for a short article that I've been wanting to write for about a year.  I thought I might do that in the winter, but no.  Really, very little writing of any sort.  What's that about, then?

I've still taken photos, of course.  Functional ones of new work (ah yes, the gallery pages of my website also need updating but almost certainly won't be any time soon), documentary ones, in particular of the garden, watching how last year's new plants are coming into their own for a second season and relishing all the new tulips I bought in the autumn, and photos taken for the pleasure of photography, to capture things I've seen and maybe create one or two images I really like.

Wot? No ...  real explanation.  Not for the lack of blog posts, anyway.  Perhaps this will be a (nother) new start.

Friday, January 13, 2017

A fresh start

My weekend starts on Friday afternoon and this week it starts with fresh bread.  I topped it with butter (as it was a new loaf I wanted the maximum treat value) and tangy pink grapefruit marmalade, which I made last December.  (I made the butter dish too, but not the butter.)

It's also a fresh start for me in baking bread.  I used to bake most of our bread and then for some reason it started to be less successful and M didn't like it much so I gave up.  I was rigorous and although it went against the grain (mine), threw all my old bread flour into the compost and started with new.  Moved over to instant ready-mix yeast, as so many recipes call for it.  Used half white and half granary flour, a tad more yeast than the recipe for white bread called for and included 1 tsp vitamin C powder.  Result!  Oh, sorry, that should really say "Result, one lovely, light, tasty loaf."  Not too sticky, not yeasty in flavour, even and light texture and lovely crunch on the crust.  I'm hoping this will mean a return to making much of my own bread.

And finally ...  a fresh start with the blog.  Writing about what's on my mind, or in my life, even if not at length.

Happy New Year.  I've avoided flu so far so already it's been a much better start to 2017 than it was at this point in 2016.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Photo A Day 2016

 As I've mentioned before, I've been doing the Photo A Day challenge during 2016. I haven't actually put up a photo for a little while and from time to time during the year there were odd gaps. I've been pondering whether to do it again next year. 
How much do I mind the missed days or, latterly, weeks? I suppose it does irk me a little when I miss some. But it's a bit like healthy eating. Just because I ate a big slice of cake today doesn't mean it isn't healthy to eat fruit tomorrow. The fruit still counts. So with the photos, the ones I've taken still count and there were still days when I did produce a photo but had to dig deep at the last minute to put one up and on those days I was certainly meeting a challenge.
The Facebook group for the challenge is full of people who meet it every day, whose photos are in the 'lovely photo' category every day, who experiment with filters and effects almost every day. Mine, by contrast, sometimes aim for the 'lovely photo' but sometimes are just unadorned snaps of the daily prompt in order to meet the challenge. I think I should be happy with that.  I've also produced the occasional image that I'm really pleased with.
So ... I'm going to take on the challenge again in 2017, with the same kind-to-myself attitude that if I don't do a photo every day I haven't failed the challenge.  In 2016 Photo A Day has sometimes made me think about how I take photographs and take time to construct a shot, sometimes made me keep my eyes open better for opportunities to meet the prompts I know are coming up and these are good things, which I hope to build on.  Most of those taking part in the challenge I've done are using their phones and phone apps to manipulate photos.  I, on the other hand, take on my camera and upload to PC, where I have Photoshop.  I think I'll continue with that but perhaps make an effort to use my phone for some photos as up till now my results from the phone camera have mostly been rubbish and it would be good to do something about that.
You can see the whole album of 2016 Photo A Day images here.  In the mean time, here's my pick of a favourite photo from each month of the year.  In some months had few photos to choose from so the favourite photo isn't always one I'm particularly pleased with and it seems I didn't meet the challenge at all in July, so there are only 11 photos.


Thursday, December 8, 2016

Not everyone's cup of tea

Poetry isn't everyone's cup of tea.  Bereavement isn't either:  I wouldn't recommend it if you can avoid it.

I learned 25 years ago, after the death of my first husband, that it's ok for the bereaved to make jokes about death, loss and the downsides of their departed loved ones where it isn't for anyone else.  I offer the (hopefully) mildly amusing introduction to this blog post in that spirit.

Anyway, one thing that's been going on over the past few months is that my subconscious has been reminding me that it's the time of year when my second husband died.  It's been gradually feeding me the memories of the month or two leading up to his death.  I'm used to this, it happened with my first bereavement (for about twenty years) so I haven't been surprised, but it hasn't been a happy time.  I get on with my life and there are still many good things in it but I was also suffering from various minor physical ailments which increased in severity.  My system does that.  Most physical ailments I suffer from are triggered by something or other psychological.  I did what I always do - had extra acupuncture and other alternative things.  This has, thankfully, put me on the road to physical recovery.  It's also allowed my conscious mind to unlock what's been going on in my unconscious mind. 

Poetry is a valuable tool in condensing what we think or feel into a form which, if it's done successfully, conveys ideas concisely and rapidly.  I think this latest poem of mine does that.  It's been tough.

a different grief

and now unexpectedly
different grief
I didn’t know
I hadn’t done

two years
has been about the ending
bad memories
of your suffering
I couldn’t have done more
but always wondering

now suddenly
here you are
being Mike-ish
loving me
reminding me
of all the good times

two years
after your funeral
now I am suddenly
reconnected with the real you
able to miss you
at your best
and not the worst
of those final months

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Nothing to report

I like the phrase "nothing to report".  It's not technically an oxymoron but it is a nice contradiction in terms: a report is clearly being made, therefore there is something, even if it is that there is nothing.  I picture a couple of tired cops watching a dark house in a lonely street overnight and checking in with "nothing to report".  What they really mean is that there's no activity of the sort they're watching out for.  But that *is* a report.  I probably watch too much cop tv.

I see it's been three months since my last co ...  oh, sorry, no, that's not it.  Three months since my last blog post.  Astonishing!  I've occasionally thought I should write something, at least to make it clear that the blog is still live, but haven't known what to write about.  Nothing to report.  Except, of course, I've been leading a full and busy life as usual.

Suddenly in the last few days I have felt like writing.  What's changed?  I think it has to do with creativity.  Whatever you think of my writing, for me it is one of the many things I do that come from the part of me called "artist".  If that part is very busy doing other things then I think writing tends to go to the back of the queue.  I have now more or less finished making work that I need for events before Christmas so writing steps forward.

I have Ideas for other posts.  They may come thick and fast.  Or they may not.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

From setup to ongoing

Debate has begun about the season.  Is it autumn yet or late summer?  We're in one of those phases where nobody, least of all the weather, can make up their mind.  Transition.  I and my garden are in the same sort of place, almost at the end of the setup stage of The Big Garden Project 2016 and moving into ongoing gardening.

To remind you:  this has been the year when I committed to working part-time (whatever that turned out to be) and therefore having time once again for my front garden, beginning with some landscaping.  Here's my post about it at the beginning, in April, and here's a follow-up in May.  I haven't written about it again here and it's time I did.  But first, a repeat of the "before" photo.

Today I'm really enjoying seeing that photo because things are looking so different now.  The landscaper said he was looking forward to seeing the beds in six months' time and I said it would be at least a year before it looked like much, but contrary to my expectations, the many perennials that I've grown from seed this year have mostly flourished and flowered already.  Things are already bushing out much more than I expected and I've had a lupin flower.

This last is no mean feat because of slugs and snails but, this year at least, I've had great success with some organic slug pellets that are harmless to wildlife and pets.  Even the vegetables have survived the molluscs, though pigeons and caterpillars are trying to make up for it.

I've bought about six plants from garden centres over the last few months and about the same number from market stalls and there have been a few plants donated from friends or Freegle members.  And now, suddenly, here's a colourful and tidy garden again.

It's not perfect.  The lawn has had a bit of a chequered history and still isn't the lawn I think I should have.  The landscaping/maintenance team are working on getting it right and most of it is now improving but there's a way to go.  There's still lots of convulvulus (known in our family as 'white convulsions' since it was described that way by someone known to the family, around 1960) and I'm waging a constant battle with handfork and weedkiller, the only way to kill it off where it has its roots entwined with things I want to keep. 

Against that, though, there are so many things flourishing.  Grown from seed and flowering in their first year have been mallow, commelina, gailardia, antirrhinum, gazania, pinks, sweet william, lupins, chrysanthemum, michaelmas daisy and penstemmon. 

If you're a glutton for punishment, many more photos showing the landscaping, gradual planting and general progress of the garden can be seen here.  I'm not sure there'll be many more added now as I don't think there's much more to flower that hasn't already done.  One last setup job will be to plant spring bulbs during the next couple of weeks and then the setup stage of the project will be finished.

I would like to declare The Big Garden Project 2016 a success. I love being able to wander into the garden and admire the bees at work in all the variety of colours.  The traffic noise will always be there but once again the garden is a place I can entertain friends and family.  For me, 2016 seems to have been a good enough summer.