Sunday, May 31, 2015

New poems

Sometimes new poems are like internet posts you make after one too many glasses of wine - best not made public.  Encouraged by others to write openly about bereavement has meant that I've been more inclined to share poems, but if in any doubt at all, I have tried to wait at least a day to make sure a new poem is really something I want to share.   Is it too raw, too much stream of consciousness (which I confess my poems tend to be) or actually not very good at all?  It's worth writing the bad ones, I think, for reasons of self-expression, self-discovery and similar.  There's just no need to make them public and most of my poems do not, indeed, see the light of day.

I'm pleased with this one, though.

summer tasks like
removing the winter’s cobwebs
strimming the grass
around the house
putting out the garden furniture
and generally
making the place feel
like the home it has been.

as I wait for his children
it feels more as if
I’ve been lighting lamps
keeping the home fires burning
and other arcane winter tasks
like a beacon in the dark for them
here one last time.

Friday, May 1, 2015

I'll be needing another dog

When we lost Charlie we were all set to give another Labrador a new home when our local council brought in a new by-law making it illegal to let a dog off the lead in many places which were our regular dog walks so we backed off.  I always said that we would get another dog when I could work part time and could be responsible for walking it, if necessary by putting it in the car and taking it somewhere else where it could run around, something that Mike wasn't keen to do.  This summer I'm getting some outdoor building work done which will include new fencing needed since we had the yard remodeled and the gateway widened and made gateless, which will make the whole garden dog-proof once again.  I don't plan to get a dog this year, but some time ...

You know when you've been almost thinking something that you can't quite put your finger on?  It seems to get closer but you're still not quite sure what it is that you're thinking.  And then ...  'Ah, I see.'

I had one of those yesterday.  I suddenly realised that this is the first time since 1987 that I have been without a source of cuddles.  After my first husband died, my Westie, Ralph, became my main source of cuddles for thirteen years. It's not quite the same cuddling a dog as being cuddled by a person, of course, but it will do.  By the time Ralph went I already had Mike in my life and soon afterwards we got Charlie, a Labrador, who if anything was even better at cuddles than Ralph. 

So, after 28 years and having lost two husbands and two dogs, I find myself without a source of cuddles.  It still won't be this year, but I now understand even more why it is that I'll be needing another dog.